Well one very telling difference between men and women is their respective preoccupations with porn and romance novels. Psychotherapist Leon F. Seltzer draws on the extensive research of Ogi Oggas and Sai Gaddam's A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World's Largest Experiment Reveals About Human Desire (2011) and makes some very interesting points
- Men are overwhelming turned on by the visual where women are far more multidimensional in their attractions and there is evidence this difference is hard wired.
To begin with, it’s essential to note that the literature specifically studying men’s arousal patterns (gay as well as straight) has repeatedly emphasized their sensitivity to visual cues. As soon as the lust-inspiring image registers in their brain, they become turned-on—not only physically but psychologically, too. Exposure to such erotic stimuli immediately activates the parts of their brain related to getting an erection. And, as Ogas and Gaddam suggest, "Men’s greater sex drive may be partially due to the fact that their sexual motivation pathways have more connections to the subcortical reward system than in women" [or, in short] "men’s brains are designed to objectify females."
- Men's sexual affairs are more a solitary endeavour than's women's who need more interpersonal, social dimensions to sex.
Additionally, the authors talk about male desire as 'a solitary affair.' That is, the single-minded pursuit of sexual arousal can exist totally independent of a relationship. 'Getting off' as such has precious little to do with emotional intimacy. A man can sit alone, half-mesmerized before his computer screen, as he intently clicks on images and videos in his hunt for what will immediately ignite his libido.
Unlike his female counterpart, he gives little or no thought to actually sharing his erotic predilections or experiences with friends. And searching for stimuli that will engender or enhance sexual excitement (and ultimately create a most pleasurable dopamine release) is quite apart from any tender feelings, or craving for a genuinely intimate human attachment.
- Women's romance novels display an innate desire for love, romance and long lasting, ideally marital, relationships.
Doubtless, on the road to marital bliss, the romance formula will include a torrid sex scene or two, but still the tale doesn’t end with images of simultaneous orgasms but sounds of wedding bells—or at least “a long-term monogamous relationship.” This may be a woman’s ultimate fantasy, but it hardly seems to reflect a male’s, whose less judicious ideals are unquestionably more carnal than conjugal. How extraordinarily revealing that Ogas and Gaddam, in exploring the most frequent searches on Dogpile, discovered that the two most common queries ending in ”-ing” were, ahem, “wedding” and “f**king” (p. 106).
- Women are naturally attracted to dominant and authoritative males. Indeed women's natural response to such men is submission.
These heroes are virtually always alpha males, to whom a considerable majority of women seem almost magnetically attracted. And romance novels exploit this preference in various ways. It’s not simply the hero’s physical prowess that is so compelling to female readers: it’s also his “status, confidence, and competence” (p. 95). Each of these traits contributes to his overall dominance—and such male authority, or ascendance, is what most women appear hard-wired to be susceptible to, as well as willing to submit to.
Ogas and Gaddam, observing that studies have repeatedly demonstrated the erotic appeal of alpha dominance to women—from the sensory cues of the male’s voice, to his scent, to his movement and gait, to his sharply defined facial features—
